


I Swear

by coconut_juice_00



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, OT12 - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-13
Updated: 2016-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-01 07:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2764613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coconut_juice_00/pseuds/coconut_juice_00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lu Han found love the same time Jongdae did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part i

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd || typos and grammatical errors ahead

Lu Han has no memories of what his parents look like. He has no idea who they were, what it feels like to have them by their side and what their names are. Because the moment when the world around him makes sense, the only thing he considers as his family are a group of orphaned children like himself and a few nuns running the orphanage.

 

As a kid, he’s not that good in socializing and opted to spend his time reading the book that the pastor lent him. The nuns began to worry about Lu Han, because instead of playing with the kids at the playground, he’s always sitting there all alone under the shade of the tree, eyes scanning from left to right as he silently reads the book on his lap.

 

The nuns talked to the pastor about it, but in the end, they let the child do what he pleases because he’s happy with the way things are, just a day filled with peace and quiet.

 

And then, Kim Jongdae came along.

 

“Hey, I’m Jongdae.” The kid with a wide cat-like grin crouches down so he’s at the same level as him. “I’m new here. What’s your name?”

 

Lu Han’s eyes went wide for a bit before slowly relaxing, licking his dry lips before speaking in the softest whisper. “Lu Han.” The kid—Jongdae’s grin went wider upon hearing that, pushing himself on his knees to stand up with a hand held out to him. Lu Han blinks twice at the sight.

 

“Let’s play.”

 

Jongdae was the one who gets Lu Han out of his cocoon, the one who makes him talk more to the other orphans. He’s also the one who openly bragged that Lu Han is telling him the best bed time stories and that the said kid is the best story teller ever. Because of that, Lu Han gained more attention than before, especially the children that were younger than him, always telling their Lu-oppa or Lu-hyung to tell them a bed time story.

 

And that’s where Lu Han gained his popularity.

 

From then onwards, Jongdae and Lu Han never left each other’s side. They were always known as the dynamic duo, always sticking together like two peas in a pod. Wherever Jongdae is, Lu Han would always follow. And wherever Lu Han is, well, Jongdae would pull Lu Han over and drag him to where he’s going. Jongdae really treats Lu Han as his best friend. He’s the one who’s at the upper hand, though.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

“This is Minseok.” The pastor said as he enters the classroom that were filled with orphans in the same age as him. “He’s gonna stay with us now. So until someone adopts him, consider him as a part of our family, okay?” He places a hand on the kid’s head and playfully ruffles it. The boy blushes at the gesture. “Please take care of him.”

 

A chorus of affirmation was heard.

 

“Good.” The pastor smiles, glancing at the nun near the doorway before shifting back to Minseok. “Sit there at the free seat beside Lu Han, okay?”

 

Upon hearing that, Lu Han’s eyes went wide, alarmed, and accidentally locks eyes with Minseok. The boy flashes him a small smile making his heart thump wildly. Scared of what the boy made him feel, Lu Han quickly looks away and fixed his stare at the window beside him.

 

Unfortunately the feeling only grew worse when the boy took his designated seat.  

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

It was 4 months since Minseok came and things weren’t exactly what Lu Han had expected.

 

Minseok, being quiet, became everyone’s target for their entertainment. Yes, Minseok was being bullied and Lu Han can’t help but feel bad and guilty because no matter how hard he wants to stop the torment and gradual pranks and teases to stop, he can’t.

 

Not when the one who started the bullying is Jongdae. 

 

“Yah, pig-face.” Jongdae pulls Minseok’s cheek making the boy hiss out a pain and quickly took a step back. Upon seeing the reaction, the boys behind Jongdae snickers, all except Lu Han, who’s just watching the whole thing.

 

“What do you want, Jongdae?” Minseok angrily says.

 

“Don’t all pigs do all day is eat? Here.” Jongdae grabs the pudding from the boy behind him and chucks it at Minseok’s face. Said boy clamps his eyes shut and scrunches his nose, pulling his face away as Jongdae keeps pressing the pudding on his face. Everyone gasps—no—it was just Lu Han who did. The others laughed at Minseok, whose face was now covered with the goey stuff, staring at Jongdae like he’s trying to stop himself from choking the laughing kid to death.

 

Minseok wipes the pudding off his face, but more were still on there, and walks out of the laughing crowd, his head low as he passes by some other kids who started laughing upon seeing his messy face. Lu Han wanted to stop Jongdae. He really does.

 

Sadly, all he ever did was watch.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

“Who’s there?!” Minseok snapped his head towards the direction of the rustling sound he heard, only to frown the moment he saw Lu Han. He sighs and dips down to wash his face again, the foul stench of their cafeteria’s pudding still lingering his nose.

 

And without a word, Lu Han quickly places the towel he’s holding beside Minseok, immediately taking a few steps back after. He gulps hard, heart beating so fast because he’s nervous. 

 

Minseok wipes his eyes with his hands, blinking twice before turning the faucet off, stopping when he saw the towel beside him. He furrows his brows, frown deepening at the sight. “I-uh…” Lu Han clears his throat, thumbing the hem of his gray shirt. “I saw you and I thought that you might need it.” He mumbles lowly, but enough for Minseok to hear.

 

Minseok stares at Lu Han cautiously, slowly taking the towel, taking his eyes off Lu Han for a moment to scan the towel in case he’s falling for another one of those pranks. When he finds none, he then shifts his stare back at Lu Han. “Why are you helping me?” He asks. “Aren’t you one of Jongdae’s lackeys?”

 

“No. I’m—“Lu Han pauses for a bit. “I’m sorry for what Jongdae did. He’s actually nice--”

 

“I can tell.” Minseok scoffs, rolling his eyes.

 

“I’m really sorry.” Lu Han bowed his head a bit, a pained expression plastered on his face making Minseok raise an eyebrow. “I don’t know why he’s acting like that…really.”

 

“Yeah, well…” Minseok wipes his face with the soft towel, smiling a bit at the fresh scent of lemon replacing the foul stench earlier. But the smile melted into a neutral one after. “Thank you.” He said and tossed the towel back at the other before turning around and walk away.

 

~*~

 

Lu Han silently went back to where Jongdae and the others are, the previous conversation with Minseok kept replaying over and over, but not before stopping back to his room to hang his towel at the rack. Once he reached them, Jongdae flashes Lu Han that cat-like grin only to transform into a full-blown laugh.

 

“Well, well, well.” Jongdae shoves past the two boys in front of him to approach his best friend, arm sliding over Lu Han’s shoulder. “Someone’s all smiley today.” It was only then that Lu Han realized he was smiling so wide.

 

So that’s why his cheeks hurts so much.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

“Hey.”

 

Minseok looks up and sighs, wincing a bit when he accidentally let his arm brush the bruise on his knee. Lu Han smiles at the fact that Minseok wasn’t frowning anymore when they cross paths, but it was only for a short while upon seeing the dark bruise on the elder’s knee.

 

“Oh my.” Lu Han gasps and quickly kneels in front of him, hands hovering Minseok’s knee. “Let’s get this cleaned up. How did you even—“He pauses and lets out a heavy sigh. “It’s—“

 

“Jongdae, yeah.” Minseok winces when he tried to stand up. Lu Han immediately went to his side and slides his arm to the elder’s waist to support him. It was only then when Lu Han realized how close he was to Minseok that he blushed, looking down when Minseok turns his head to face him. “He _accidentally_ kicked the soccer ball to my direction making me fall so…” He frowns. “...yeah, which explains that.”

 

Lu Han’s eyes went wide upon hearing that. “I’m so so—“

 

“Don’t be.” Minseok smiles making Lu Han’s breath hitch at the sight, and it wasn’t helping that Minseok’s face is so close to him that it only takes one push to close the gap between them. “I really don’t mind, actually.” He looks forward and takes a few steps with Lu Han supporting him along the way. “I don’t mind. I’m used to it. But thank you, though. It’s amazing how you always find me during these moments.”

 

Lu Han’s face turned crimson at that, clearing his throat and looks down as he helps Minseok walk towards the nuns’ quarters to ask one of them to help Minseok clean his wound. Too bad Lu Han looked away.

 

Because if he didn’t, then maybe he wouldn’t miss that sparkle on Minseok’s eyes as he stares at him.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“Hey Lu.” Jongdae asked him when they were casually lying on Lu Han’s—well, their usual spot under the shade of the tree, staring lazily at the clouds floating above.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“What do you think of Minseok?”

 

Lu Han nearly choked upon hearing that but forces out a light chuckle instead before answering. “I think—I think he’s okay.” He then turns his head to the side to look at his best friend. “Why?”

 

Jongdae shrugs. “Nothing, Lu.” He hums. “Nothing.”

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

Valentines was a day where people give gifts to their love ones to make them feel special and important and most of all, as a thanks that they are a part of each other’s life.

 

As expected, the kids came piling down the nuns and the pastor, giving them cards and flowers and other things that made the adults smile. However, other kids, instead of giving gifts to them, they gave it to the other kids that caught their fancy.

 

It was expected for Jongdae to receive so many gifts that day, him being the most popular kid in the orphanage. Lu Han too got a few, but they weren’t that many compared to his best friend. In fact, he never did get the chance to talk to him today since he’s been swallowed by the crowd so early the moment he got out to play.

 

So today, Lu Han sits lazily on their usual spot, alone, feeling good for the first time in months, letting the quiet atmosphere engulf him into relaxation. Come to think of it, it has been a while since he got his alone time.

 

Unfortunately, his alone time was disrupted upon hearing a sound of someone running towards him. He frowns. Tch. Why of all times did it have to—?

 

“There you are.” Minseok huffs out, his hands on knees while he catches his breath. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He pauses for a bit to look at Lu Han, who’s lying on the grass, eyes wide in surprise. “Umm… did I disturb you or something?”

 

Lu Han sits up. “No!” He then clears his throat upon realizing the tone he used. “I mean, no. No. It’s okay.” He waves his hands at the elder, flustered. “It’s fine, really!”

 

“Awesome.” Minseok took a seat beside him, too close that their shoulders are brushing. Lu Han sucks in a lot of air at that. The elder, however, is oblivious at how the younger male is acting. “Anyways,” Minseok pulled something out of his pocket and propped it on Lu Han’s lap. “Here you go.”

 

Lu Han blinks twice as he studies the cute wooden deer on his lap.

 

“Aigoo.” Minseok grabs the deer on his lap, grabs his hand and places the little deer on his palm making Lu Han blush. I mean, the deer is so freaking close to his crotch and Minseok just grabbed it so casually— “Happy Valentines, Lu.”

 

“O-Oh…”

 

“I begged the pastor to teach me how to carve.” Minseok chuckles, attempting to hide his fingers that were covered with bandages. “Hope you like it.”

 

Lu Han’s eyes went wide before it slowly relaxes, pink dust covering his cheeks as his fingers around the deer tightened. He giggles, which kind of surprises him because he has never giggled to anyone, well, except Jongdae when he does weird and funny things. “Thank you.” He shyly says, leaning a bit so that his shoulder was completely pressed against the elder boy.

 

And before he could process what he’s gonna do, he slowly leans over and plants a gentle kiss on Minseok’s cheek, making the latter blush at the gesture. It was funny how Minseok looks with his eyes wide in surprise, his face so red that he almost looks like a cherry.

 

Lu Han giggles at the sight and runs away, his heart beat accelerating abnormally and his cheeks so hot and warm against the cool breeze.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

Love is really a wonderful feeling.

 

It made Lu Han look forward to every single day, having made a bunch of excuses to Jongdae so that he could slip out and secretly spend time with Minseok. It made him feel happy, big and small laughs escaping his lips as they talk about stuffs, their knees brushing and shoulders pressed close against each other as they lean their backs against the wall.

 

Their hands would brush sometimes, and one time, Minseok just went ahead and grabbed it, lacing their fingers together. And in that moment, Lu Han swears his smile was so wide it almost reaches his ears if possible.

 

But unfortunately, love also makes you feel like you’re better off dead.

 

Lu Han cheerfully walks towards the garden where he knows Minseok is waiting for him, but he suddenly froze midway. Minseok was there, alright. But so is Jongdae.

 

He can see Minseok saying—no—yelling at Jongdae, his face red from anger and all that built up frustration, eyebrows furrowed and eyes glaring at the younger male. Lu Han could make out the words forming on his mouth. He was saying, “Why? Why are you doing this? Why do you always pick on me? Is it fun to see me like that? Is it—“

 

Lu Han watches as Jongdae cuts Minseok off by pressing his lips against his. It’s soft, just a simple brush, but even then, Lu Han still feels like his heart is slowly killing him from within. And with tears flowing down his cheeks, he ran away, body trembling, knees shaking and head throbbing.

 

He lets out a shaky breath the moment he reaches his safe haven, the tree where he usually spends time, thinking. He sobs, the image of Jongdae kissing Minseok flashing in his mind. It would have been okay if Minseok pushed him away like he’s supposed to. But instead, he kissed back, which made the pain double over.

 

It dawned Lu Han that the reason why Jongdae is constantly picking on Minseok is because it’s his way of showing him, telling him that—Here I am! I’m here! Notice me!—And Lu Han is so, so stupid to feel this way because Minseok and him weren’t even together in the first place. Why is he crying? He has no right because Minseok isn’t his. He can be with anyone who he wants to.

 

The wooden deer suddenly feels so heavy in his pocket.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

At the age of 18, every orphan in the orphanage who weren’t adopted were allowed to go out there and live the life of an adult, having reached the proper age to go and find a job. And Lu Han wondered, and still is wondering why not even a single one of them were adopted. In fact, no one even comes here to adopt someone. It was really confusing. He asked the pastor one time and he told them that it was okay and they will. They just have to keep faith.

 

But here he is, on the backseat of the car that one of the nuns that’s been fond of Jongdae, bought him a car as a farewell gift. Just a rusty old truck, actually. But for Jongdae, it was enough. He had told Lu Han the night before they leave that Minseok and him will live at that small cottage near the beach, a present from the pastor to the young couple, and that it would mean so much to him if Lu Han would come and live with them.

 

He wanted to say no, finding it difficult to be around Minseok anymore.

 

“Please, Lu.” Jongdae takes Lu Han’s hand and holds it tight. “I don’t want to part with you. You’re the only family I have.”

 

So with a sigh, Lu Han agrees.

 

Going back to where he is now, still sitting on the back seat of the truck, trying so hard not to stare at Minseok and Jongdae’s hands that were laced together as the elder drives towards their destination (Minseok being the only one who caught on fast when the pastor taught them how to drive.)

 

It still hurts until now, but Lu Han lets it go, wanting to feel happy for his best friend had finally found his happiness. He can’t be selfish. Not when Minseok’s happiness is in the arms of Jongdae also.

 

 

 

 

**\-----**

 

 

 

 

 

“How are you, guys?” Jongin, one of the guys back at the orphanage they grew up with, asked with a smile on his face. Beside him was Kyungsoo, another orphan and also his boyfriend. They’ve been together for as long as anyone can remember.

 

“We’re okay.” Jongdae grins and places Minseok’s food in front of the elder. “Seok-ah got a job as a barista at the town.”

 

“Wow, hyung! That’s amazing!” Kyungsoo exclaims, wide eyes going wider. ”Is the pay good?”

 

“It’s more than enough!” Jongdae exclaims in glee and wraps his arms around Minseok, cheek pressing against the elder’s cheek. “My Seokkie is so good and so, so handsome~” And Minseok chuckles at that, munching the friend eggs that his boyfriend cooked for him.

 

“The pay is good but it’s actually enough for just 1 person only.” Minseok said to Kyungsoo. “So it’s a good thing that Lu Han’s working as a kindergarten teacher or else we’re doomed.”

 

Upon hearing his name, Lu Han looks up at them with both eyebrows raised, pausing mid-chew from the bread he’s nibbling. When Jongin asked for his job about being a teacher, he slowly nods, telling him that he’s fond of children and then when he saw the job opening, he thought. Why not?

 

But the real reason was actually because Minseok sometimes came down to school to deliver coffees to the teachers and also to him, for free of course because Minseok already paid for him as always, satisfied just at the way their fingers brush when Minseok hands him his coffee. The distance to the school and to the coffee shop is just a block away so it’s easy to go and see the elder as much as he wants to.

 

He wouldn’t say that, of course. Not with Jongdae here.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“Lu Han!”

 

Said male shift towards the direction of the voice and smiles upon seeing Minseok, who just finished closing the coffee shop, approaching him with that wide smile of his. “Wanna walk home together?”

 

Lu Han chuckles and gestures for him to lead the way.

 

~*~

 

“Ahh~ the stars look so beautiful tonight~” Minseok drawls, stretching his arms behind his back before settling it to his side. “Don’t you think so, Lu?”

 

“Well, they are pretty tonight.” Lu Han looks up for a brief moment upon saying that and looks forward again. “And it’s not that cold so maybe it’s a perfect time to go stargazing.”

 

“Maybe it is.” Minseok said and grabbed Lu Han’s wrist making the younger male’s eyes go wide, feeling himself get dragged towards the beach instead of going straight to their house, where he knows Jongdae is probably waiting.

 

“M-Minseok!”

 

“Well, you did said that it’s a perfect time to go stargazing.” Minseok glances at him with a smile. “Why not do it now?”

 

“But Jongdae-“   
  


“-can wait. Don’t worry. You know Dae doesn’t want anyone to disturb him in the middle of cooking.” Minseok grins and lets go of his wrist the moment they reach their destination. He took a deep breath and exhales after unbuttoning the first three buttons of his dress shirt and taking his shoes and socks off. Lu Han could only blink twice, completely baffled at what’s going on.

 

He watches as Minseok walks towards the shore and lets his feet got splashed by the waves, chuckling because he feels like an ice cube because the water feels so cold. But the way he laughed, oh god, Lu Han swears he looks so attractive right now. The way his eyes crinkle into these adorable little slits and the way his mouth is--

 

“Lu Han! Come on!” Minseok shouts making Lu Han snap back to reality.

 

“I thought we’re gonna go stargazing?” Lu Han asks, but he’s already taking his shoes off. “And besides, it’s cold!”

 

Minseok clicks his tongue and runs towards him. “No, it’s not. The water’s amazing!” As he said that, the elder unbuttons and shrugs his shirt off before stripping until he’s left with only boxers making Lu Han almost pop his eyes out at the sight. Holy fucking dolphins.

 

“Come on!” Minseok pats Lu Han’s chest before making a dash towards the sea, shouting with joy once his body hits the cold water making his shouts go louder. And Lu Han just laughed at the sight, his heart swelling with joy.

 

Without further hesitations, he stripped off and joined the elder in the sea.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“Guys, I already did the groceries so you better uncheck it.” Lu Han said, placing the paper bags on the table.  “Guys?” He called out. “Jongdae? Minseok? Are you home?” He ventures deeper in the house and ascended the stairs. “Guys, where the hell are you?” He then walks towards the couple’s room. “I swear if you two are—“

 

He froze midway upon seeing what’s inside. Oh they’re in there, alright. Minseok is lying naked on the bed with legs slightly parted and Jongdae’s face was between the elder’s thighs, taking Minseok’s cock full on the mouth. The elder lies panting, squirming as he lets out these obscene, hiccupy moans as Jongdae bobs his head in a steady rhythm only to pull away when he saw Lu Han at the doorway, staring, gaping in shock.

 

“Do you mind?” Jongdae breathes out, voice raspy.

 

Lu Han slams the door without a word, heart thumping so loud in his chest.

 

He needs to get out of here.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

“You’re what?”

 

Lu Han sighs. “There’s this job at the city that I applied. My co-worker, Sooyoung, helped me with the job application and I got it.” He looks at the wall behind him. He can’t look at Minseok the same as before not after seeing him…seeing them like that.

 

He can’t afford to get hurt again.

 

“So you’re leaving us.” Jongdae deadpanned. “For this job.”

 

“Please understand, Dae. If you want, I can send money to you for the—“

 

“No, it’s okay.” The younger male stands up and pulls Lu Han in a tight embrace. “I’ll miss you.”

 

Later that night, Minseok didn’t spoke to him even until he left.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

Lu Han sat up from the bed, eyes droopy and sleepy. Groaning, he shifts his attention at the clock, clicking his tongue in distaste when he sees it’s only 3 in the morning. He groans before grabbing his phone on the end table. Fuck, this better be good. He just got home from work 2 hours ago so he really needs to sleep **now**.

 

He absentmindedly presses the green button. “Hello?”

 

_“Hyung.”_

 

Lu Han hears a sniffle, blinking twice in an attempt to wake himself up. “Wait… Jongin? How did you get my number?”

 

_“Hyung.”_ Jongin sniffles again. “ _Hyung.”_

 

“What?”

 

“ _Kyungsoo.”_ He hears a choked sob. _“Kyungsoo’s dead.”_

 


	2. part ii

Lu Han didn’t expect their reunion to be like this.

 

He watches as Jongin cries on his knees, Joonmyeon, a close friend of the couple, supporting him by the arms, who is also crying but not as hard as the younger male. Everyone wore white as Kyungsoo had said on his last will and his ashes be buried underneath that lovely garden the couple had been working on through their entire year being together.

 

“Ever since we were little, Kyungsoo was always this weak little kid which is why I never left his side.” Jongin said to him that night after putting the younger male on the bed. He told Joonmyeon that he’ll stay here and look out for Jongin, finding no reason to go back to Jongdae and Minseok’s place. “But even then, he still pretends to be strong and that he’s okay even though it’s obvious he’s not.” Jongin chuckles lowly, grief still evident on his face. “Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I fell for him.”

 

Lu Han didn’t say anything and just squeezed Jongin’s hand.

 

“I don’t know when it happened, but he just started to forget things like…like who the pastor is and the nuns. We went there for a visit one time and he just…” Jongin sniffles, starting to cry again. “…he asked me, Jongin, why are we here? Where are we?” He lets out a shaky sigh and Lu Han wipes his tears with his thumb. “I thought it was a joke, but no. Kyungsoo was dead serious.”

 

“Jongin, please sto—“

 

“No! I want to… I need to let it all out.” Jongin shakes his head and trembles. “K-Kyungsoo…Kyungsoo began to forget things…and h-he always h-had these weird tantrums. We moved out to our old house because our neighbors thought he was crazy. It goes on and on… and it was hard, hyung.” Jongin’s sobbing hard now. “I-I don’t know what to do back then. I feel so lost and…and scared and it was all too much to take— especially when he...“ Jongin pauses. “…when he forgot about me.”

 

Lu Han engulfs the younger male in a tight hug and rocks him back and forth, caressing his raven hair like the way he did at the crying children back when he’s still working at the town. “I’m sorry, Jongin.” He whispers. “I’m sorry.”

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

Lu Han finds himself standing in front of the cottage that he left 10 years ago. It was still the same, though there were a bit scratches from the wall. He remembers earning money to buy paint for that a few years back. Sadly, all of those weren’t achieved because he suddenly left. He sighs.

 

“So you’re back.”

 

Lu Han gasped in surprise, turning around only to lock eyes with none other than Minseok. He feels his chest tighten, the air around him began to disappear making it so hard to breathe. It has been so long since he last seen him. And sadly, what he thought was gone, came back in less than a second after seeing him again. Those efforts of trying to sleep on the sleepless nights where the image of Jongdae and Minseok having sex keeps on replaying over and over, wasted.

 

“Yeah.” Lu Han felt proud when his voice didn’t tremble. “I am.”

 

Minseok slowly nods and flashes him a smile, but it wasn’t the same smile he used to flash Lu Han back at the days. It was forced and weak, like there’s something troubling him. “Do you want some coffee?”

 

~*~

 

“Lu Han!” Jongdae lurches forward and wraps the elder in a tight embrace. “Oh my god, you’re back!” Lu Han chuckles at the way his best friend is acting and hugs back, squeezing Jongdae like the way he’s squeezing him too.  “How are you?” Jongdae asked after pulling away. “How’s life in the city?”

 

“It was good, but the environment isn’t that great like at the books.” Lu Han smiles. “Too much smoke.”

 

“You have to tell me everything.” Jongdae gushes and pulls Lu Han towards the living room with a grin so wide it almost reaches his ear. “Tell me stories about what you’ve seen there like the old times, please.” And Lu Han chuckles, nodding. How can he resist Jongdae?

 

“I’ll go prepare some coffee.” Minseok says quietly before walking away, and for a moment, Lu Han thought that he saw Jongdae’s face fell for a second before lifting it up again with a cheerful smile. But maybe it was just his imagination. Maybe.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

Lu Han decided to stay here for a while during his short leave for work after finding out that Joonmyeon has decided to take Jongin with him to Canada with his boyfriend Kris. At first, Jongin doesn’t want, not wanting to part with the garden where Kyungsoo is, but after reading the part where Kyungsoo entrusted Joonmyeon to take care of his husband for him, Jongin finally agrees, but only for a short while.

 

But through the days he spent here, he noticed the slight change of Jongdae and Minseok’s behavior towards each other.

 

They weren’t that close like they were back then, not meeting each other’s eyes when they pass by each other. Minseok doesn’t go and hug Jongdae from the back while the latter is cooking their meal. Jongdae doesn’t kiss Minseok anymore when the elder is going to work. And they don’t sleep at the same bed anymore.

 

“We’re going through a rough patch.” Jongdae says to him that night when they were at the beach, drinking a bottle of beer. “He’s been acting weird ever since you left and I don’t want to hear any more of his bull shit so we took a break.” The younger male takes a swig but stopped midway after a series of violent coughs escaped his mouth.

 

Lu Han immediately rubs his best friend’s back, eyebrows furrowed and forehead creased in worry. “It’s okay.” Jongdae wheezes, a hand on Lu Han’s chest to push him gently. “It’s just a cold, probably. It’ll be gone soon.”

 

“Are you sure? Shouldn’t we go and see the doctor?”

 

“I’m fine, Lu. The last thing I wanna do is make you worry.” He gives Lu Han’s chest a pat twice before using his shoulder to stand up with a grunt. “Come on, it’s getting late.” He coughs twice. “Let’s go home. Minseok’s probably worried sick.”

 

And Lu Han believes because he trusts his best friend so much.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“Hey.”

 

“Oh.” Lu Han finds himself smiling, hands stuffed inside his coat pocket curling into a fist as he watches Minseok walk towards his direction with that adorable grin on his face. “Hey, to you too.” He looks behind the elder and hums in confusion. “Aren’t you on your shift today?”

 

“It’s been 10 years since you were gone, Lu.” Minseok chuckles. “Did you expect me to still work on the morning the shift?”

 

Lu Han smiles looking down. “Of course not.”

 

Minseok hums in amusement, that twinkle in his eyes faintly reminding Lu Han that time when it was just the two of them, talking in hush whispers and their shoulder’s pressed up against each other. “Do you want to join me, Lu Han? I’m going somewhere, see?”

 

And with a smile on his face, Lu Han agrees.

 

~*~

 

“Why are we here?” Lu Han asks, his bare feet so cold on each and every step he takes inside the dark cave. “I didn’t know there was a place like this at the edge of the beach. I thought it was just a big rock or something.”

 

“Me, either. But I did manage to find it during one of my walking aimlessly because I’m drunk moments.” Minseok grins and holds his hand out to the younger. “Come. The path is a little bit slippery. Last night’s high tide, see?”

 

Lu Han’s eyes went wide upon seeing Minseok’s palm. He suddenly feels nervous, his stomach feeling bad making him uneasy and slightly nauseous. There was a moment of hesitation, but he did accept it nonetheless, surprised that the sick feeling transformed into a fluttery one. It was a good thing that Minseok was in front of him or else he would see how red his face was.

 

~*~

 

“How are you?” Minseok asked him, his bare feet dangling on the clear water as they sit on the edge of the cave. It was amazing. Minseok was right, this place is really amazing. Especially the water at the middle, which instead is color blue green, this water is perfectly transparent and clear that you don’t even realize it’s actually deep.

 

Lu Han shrugs. “Fine. Been working as an assistant at some firm and got promoted as the book keeper 3 years ago.”

 

Minseok snorts. “You some sort of librarian or something?”

 

“No, it’s uh—“He scratches the back of his neck and laughed. “I don’t know how to explain it but it’s kind of related to business.”

 

“Ah, so you’re not turning into this lanky old man who barks out to quiet down the noisy kids at some library. Well, there goes my imagination.” Lu Han makes a face and playfully punches Minseok's shoulder. When the playful banter has died down, Minseok lets out a heavy sigh. “Lu, have you heard?”

 

“Heard what?”

 

“Sehun’s dead.” Lu Han froze. “He died a year before Kyungsoo.”

 

“S-Sehun is—“

 

“A year before that, Baekhyun died.” Minseok said, tone grim. “And a year before his death, his husband, Chanyeol, died.” He pauses for a bit to look at Lu Han. “Do you remember them, Lu?”

 

Of course, he does. Chanyeol was the one who handed Jongdae that pudding before he chucked it on Minseok’s face when they were still kids. Baekhyun was that kid with a loud mouth, yet transforms into a shy and timid one whenever he’s around Chanyeol. Lu Han remembers seeing them sneak a kiss or two when they thought no one was looking. And then there was Sehun, who clings on Lu Han a lot back when the kid was still fond of listening to fairy tales.

 

Lu Han’s eyes went wide, his knees turning weak at the sudden news.

 

“I heard people around the town when they order coffee that the church is taking care of kids that were in some kind of an experiment, disguising them as orphans so that people won’t notice. Said that they’re working for the government.”

 

“That’s bull shit.”

 

“I know.” The elder nods. “The pastor wouldn’t do that, I thought. But after hearing the sudden death of the kids we grew up with at the orphanage, I began to doubt them. And then after hearing the death of Kyungsoo…” He shakes his head. “I don’t know what to believe in anymore.”

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

Lu Han shouldn’t have believed what Jongdae told him that night.

 

He wakes up with a jolt when he heard Jongdae coughing violently beside him, wheezing and gasping, finding it hard to breathe. And Lu Han was scared. He was so fucking scared especially when he turned on the lamp only to find his best friend coughing blood. In panic, he shouted Minseok’s name, who immediately came running and lifts Jongdae from the bed, putting Jongdae on the backseat of the truck with a sobbing Lu Han beside him.

 

They arrived at the hospital in 10 minutes flat.

 

The town’s hospital is small, only 3 floors at most, but was very expensive. It was a good thing that Lu Han has earned enough and the fees were taken care of without problems. The only problem now is Jongdae’s condition.

 

“Hey, buddy.” Lu Han whispers with a smile while he caresses Jongdae’s disheveled hair. It hurts whenever he blinks after all those constant crying, but he knows it doesn’t match the pain that’s Jongdae is probably feeling now.

 

“What am I—“He coughs. “What am I doing here, Lu?” He croaks, weakly turning his head to examine the white walls around him. “I’m…I’m in a hospital?”

 

“Yeah.” Lu Han sniffles. “You’re sick, Jongdae.”

  
“I-I am?” Jongdae groans when he tries to sit up, so Lu Han helps him, hands supporting his back. “Minseok?” He rasps. “Where is he?”

 

“He’s discussing something with the doctor.”

 

“I see.” Jongdae coughs again, gasping after. “I feel so weak, Lu. I can’t feel my body.” The younger male forces out a smile, lips quivering as he does and Lu Han’s heart breaks at the sight. “I’m next, right? I’m next to Kyungsoo.”

 

“No.” Lu Han said, eyes turning hard. “No, you’re not. We’re gonna do whatever we can, Jongdae. We’re gonna make the pain go away, okay?”

 

And Jongdae lets out a low chuckle, staring at his friend sadly. “Funny, how you and Jongin told Kyungsoo and I the same thing.”

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

 

There was no cure.

 

Lu Han watches as the doctor walks past Minseok after giving the elder’s a consoling pat on the shoulder. It is advisable that Jongdae will stay here for three days and after that, he’s discharged. The doctor gave a vague explanation about what Jongdae has and it made Minseok angry. But upon seeing the hopeless look the doctor has, Minseok understands. He’s just doing his job.

 

Lu Han approaches the elder, a hand slowly reaching out to him. “Minseok—“

 

“The doctor said to take him to a place where he’s happy so that he’ll be at peace on his remaining days.” Minseok’s voice trembles at the last part and Lu Han turns the elder around, heart breaking even more at the sight of his tear-streaked face. “Lu Han, I don’t know what to do anymore.”

 

And Lu Han chokes a sob before it came out hard, wrapping Minseok in a tight embrace as he lets the elder male cry on his shoulder, body shaking and tears continue to fall endlessly.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

Jongdae told them that he’d rather be in the cottage with Minseok and Lu Han there, giving him the atmosphere of a complete family like Jongdae always wanted. They acted like they were back when they were 18 and had just moved here, Minseok holding his hand extra tight and Lu Han laughing at every joke he said.

 

But it wasn’t the same, they all knew. Gone were the times were everyone acted naturally, nights and days that were filled with joyous laughter. It was all stiff, the tension in the air so thick that not even a knife can cut through it.

 

It was one night when Jongdae requested for Lu Han to come and take him for a walk. Lu Han was surprised because it was always Minseok accompanying him. But he agrees anyway, and with a smile, he lifts Jongdae out of bed and places him carefully on the wheelchair before bidding Minseok that they’ll be back a few minutes later.

 

And so, Lu Han pushes the wheelchair to the direction of the beach, the cold breeze passing by their faces as they do. It was a quiet walk, even when they were already on their destination, the only noise they’re hearing is the waves crashing and Jongdae humming a tune with that melodious voice of his. So it was a surprise when Jongdae told Lu Han to stop for a moment.

 

“I’m sorry.” He weakly said.

 

Lu Han chuckles. “What are you sorry for?”

 

Jongdae shakes his head, eyes staring ahead at the dark sea. “For taking Minseok away from you.” Lu Han’s face fell. “You love him, I know. And he has always felt the same, too. But I just have to ruin everything, right?”

 

“Jongdae, what are you talk—“

 

“It’s bad to lie to a dying person, Lu.” Jongdae rasps. “I’m asking for forgiveness here.” He sighs. “And I’m asking you to forgive me for keeping you two apart.” He gulps hard and lets out a shaky sigh, indicating that he’s already crying. “I can see it. Those lifeless eyes when you left for the city. “

 

Lu Han’s grip on the handle of the wheelchair tightened.

 

“I…” Jongdae coughs a bit. “I have always known that you two were meant to be together. I was only with Minseok because I was jealous, and still is jealous on how close you two are and I was afraid—scared that I’d be left out.” Jongdae sobs. “I don’t want to be left alone.” Lu Han shakes his head and kneels in front of Jongdae, looking at him with tears in his eyes. “I was gonna break things off soon, though. But those moments when I’m with Minseok, I began to realize why you fell in love with him, and I too, has fallen in love with him. And for that, I am sorry.” Jongdae clamps his eyes shut and lets out a heartbreaking cry. “Please forgive me.”

 

“Don’t be.” Lu Han hushes him, wiping the tears from Jongdae’s face. “You can’t help who you love, Dae. Minseok is an amazing person. Don’t be sorry that you fell in love him.”

 

Jongdae sighs and nods, leaning forward so that his forehead connects with Lu Han's. He sniffles. “Keep making him smile, Lu. Don’t you ever make him cry.”

 

And with a nod and a deep exhale, Lu Han whispers. “Yes.”

 

Kim Jongdae died 3 days after that.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“Minseok and Lu Han?” The pastor hums in confusion only to meet the floor after Minseok threw a hateful punch on the old man. Lu Han, horrified, grabs the elder by the arm and pulls him back to stop himself from hurting the pastor.

 

“Tell me!” Minseok huffs out, shaking in an attempt to get out of Lu Han’s grip. “Why? Why is everyone dying?! Why the fuck is everyone I grew up with ended up being dead because of some fucking disease that we don’t even have the slightest clue we had that?!”

 

“Minseok, please.”

 

“I heard rumors.” Minseok scowled. “This orphanage is connected to the government. Is that true?!” When the pastor didn’t move from his spot, Minseok growled. “Is that fucking true?!”

 

“Pastor?”

 

Minseok calms down a bit when he saw a little kid, eyes wide when he saw the pastor on the floor with a busted lip, before staring back at him. Lu Han, however, is silently sobbing behind Minseok, arms still on the elder to stop him.

 

The pastor grunts as he stood up, wiping his bloodied lip and flashes a warm smile on the boy. “Go back and play BamBam. I’m just gonna talk with these lovely gentlemen here.” He approaches the boy and ruffles his hair before gently giving him a light push to go outside. When the boy was gone, the pastor sighs and slowly nods.

 

“Let’s go talk in my office.”

 

~*~

 

“The disease that killed your friends are actually diseases that came from other people, having been injected into your body even before the virus completely spreads. People with cancer, tuberculosis, Alzheimer’s, aids and any other sickness that can cost their lives are cured because their disease has been taken out from them even before it worsen.” The pastor gulps hard. “And it’s been all transferred to every one of you.”

 

Minseok and Lu Han could only stare at the old man in disbelief.

  
“Every single one of the kids here.” The pastor stood up from his chair and looks at the window with sad eyes. “Every single one of you are injected even before you came here and I am entrusted by the government to take care of you until you all grow up. I don’t know when it will trigger and sadly, I have no idea when will the symptoms show. ” 

 

“So we’re gonna die.” Minseok said, tone hollow. “We’re not gonna grow old. We’re not gonna be spending the rest of our lives with our love ones. We’re just gonna die. That’s it.”

 

“There’s no cure.” The pastor whispers. “Because you are the cure..." He pauses. "...to the other people that is.”

 

“And everyone knew except us, right?” Minseok scowls. “Is that why they accepted me as some fucking barista at the town because they knew I was gonna die soon, huh?”

  
And Lu Han looked back at his job applications, wondering why he was quickly accepted even without interviews and even when he has no background or whatsoever. He curled his hands into a fist, trying hard not to let the tears fall. They just took pity on him because they knew he came from the _orphanage_. They fucking did it out of pity.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

 

The truck came to a complete stop when they reached the driveway, Minseok staring ahead with eyes that were dull and hollow like his soul just left his body. Beside him, Lu Han wasn’t feeling any better after finding out what their true purpose in life is. And after seeing those happy children bid them goodbye, it was truly heartbreaking.

 

“Minseok.” Lu Han whispers, reaching out to grab the elder’s hand. “Minseok, hey.”

 

“Alzheimer’s.” He turns his head to face Lu Han. “Kyungsoo has Alzheimer’s.”

 

“Minseok.”

 

“Jongdae got tuberculosis. Sehun has lung cancer while Chanyeol and Baekhyun got leukemia.” Minseok shakes his head, tears flowing down his cheeks. “What’s gonna be mine, Lu?” he sobs. “When will the symptoms show? Am I gonna be next? Or is it gonna be you?”

 

“No, Minseok. Don’t say things like that…” Lu Han cups Minseok’s face and wipes his tears with his thumb, trying hard not to but cries anyway. “Don’t, please.”

 

“I don’t want to die, Lu Han.” Minseok cries. “I want to look forward on what’s gonna happen tomorrow. I want to raise a child that we’ll spoil together.” Lu Han swallowed the lump on his throat. “I want to grow old with you.” Minseok sobs. “I want to grow old with the man I love.”

 

Without a word, Lu Han presses his lips against Minseok’s, tasting the salty taste of his—both of their tears against that soft mouth of his. “I love you, too.” He whispers against his lips. “And I will live my remaining days loving you, and only you, until my last breath.” They kissed again, longer this time. “We’ll get through this, you hear me Kim Minseok? We’ll get through this.”

 

With a shaky nod, Minseok pulls Lu Han in a tight embrace.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

Lu Han quit his job at the city and decided to live with Minseok at the little cottage, living the life to the fullest and spend each and every single second together.

 

In the mornings, they’d spend the day taking long walks on the beach, Lu Han telling Minseok stories about the 10 years of his life at the city, their fingers intertwined as they walk bare foot on the white sand. Minseok would sometimes sneak in a kiss or two in the middle of the story and he would laugh at how red Lu Han’s face would become.

 

And at nights, sometimes they would spend their time looking at each other’s eyes at the living room, lying on the mattress that they placed on there because they feel suffocated sleeping in the rooms upstairs. Minseok would share stories about what he hears from his customers, some expressing their woes on the young barista. And Lu Han would listen in content as he plays with the elder’s fingers.

 

On some nights, they would stumble on the kitchen door, their lips attached and clothes falling off as they venture towards the living room, their hands all over each other. Lu Han would let out a shaky gasp as he feels Minseok’s hard member enter him. It hurts a bit, but in time, the pain transformed into pleasure and Minseok marvels at the sound Lu Han makes especially, when he’s getting close to climax. The strangled cry Lu Han makes and the way his hands scramble on the edge of the mattress to gain purchase as the elder thrusts hard into him, Minseok loves it. He loves it all.

 

“Hmm, what’s this?” Minseok hums in amusement upon seeing the wooden deer inside Lu Han’s jacket pocket. The younger turns his head to the side, feeling sated and sticky from the intercourse, and watches lazily as Minseok plays with the deer on his fingers. “You still have this.”

 

“I always bring it with me.” Lu Han smiles. “Keeping it safe in my pocket. Wanting to be as close to you as much as possible.”

 

And Minseok smiles, dipping down to meet Lu Han’s lips for a quick kiss. “Cheesy.”

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

“If you were given the chance to live a normal life, what would you do?”

 

Lu Han furrows his brows, thinking, tilting his head to the side and grins at Minseok. “Ask you to marry me.” And Minseok sputters upon hearing that, eyes growing wide before it slowly relaxes, his lips twitching into a smile.

 

“So cute.” Minseok chuckles, leaning forward to tap Lu Han’s nose before going back to his position on the bed, staring at the dark brown ceiling.

 

Lu Han made a noise of disapproval. “I’m serious, Min.” He props himself up with his elbow and looks down at the elder male. “Let’s get married.” Upon hearing that, Minseok’s eyes went wide. “Kim Minseok, would you—“He rolls over so he was on top of the elder. “—like to be mine forever?”

 

“Lu Han, there’s no such thing as forever in the likes of us.” Minseok whispers.

 

“There will be.” Lu Han grins. “If you agreed.”

 

2 weeks after the proposal, Lu Han and Minseok got married at the orphanage, with the pastor being their officiator. And just after the ceremony, Lu Han crouches down so he’s at the same level as BamBam. “There are things that you’ll find out as you grow up, and you’ll probably stop believing in things like _forever_.”

 

The kid simply tilts his head in confusion.

  
  


“But,” Lu Han lifts the boy and settles him in his arms. “In life there’s always this one person that makes you believe in those things. And if you ever find that person, don’t ever let them go.” He then looks at Minseok, who’s being dragged by the children to play with them. “Because that person is your _forever_.” He whispers, tapping the boy’s nose making him giggle.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“Hey.”

 

Minseok cranes his head and softly laughs when he felt strong arms wrap around his waist. “I am cooking, Han.” But instead of letting go, Lu Han tightens his grip around his husband, chin on top of his shoulder.

 

“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“What about how adorable you are?”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

“Did I ever tell you how much I love you?”

 

“Everyday.” Minseok chuckles and turns his head to the side to kiss Lu Han on the lips. “I love you, too. Now go and leave me be.”

 

“But I like it here.” Lu Han whines and kisses his shoulder blade then to his nape up to his cheek. “So sexy.” He murmurs. “My Minseok is so sexy.” And Minseok blushes at that, letting out a soft chuckle. “You always make me feel pretty. I want to return the favor.”

 

And with a sigh, Minseok slowly nods, beginning to feel aroused also.

 

“Give me a minute. Gonna get something” Lu Han cheekily says after giving Minseok a chaste kiss on the lips.

 

On that night, Lu Han swears he shouldn’t have left the elder alone. Because if he didn’t, then maybe things would have been different.

 

“Min-min~” Lu Han giggles but stopped when he saw Minseok, gasping for air, hands gripping the corners of the countertop so hard it must have probably hurt. “Minseok?” The elder looks at him, sweat trailing down his forehead, eyes wide and mouth open in an attempt to breathe. “Oh fuck, Minseok!”

 

~*~

 

“Is your husband prone to smoking, Mr. Lu?” The doctor asked, eyebrows furrowed as he stares at the clipboard in hand.

 

“No, he doesn’t smoke.”

 

“I see. But your husband is too young to have this. Only people who are at age of 50 and above can get this sickness, unless they are in a smoky environment, but after I heard where you two live—“ The doctor’s eyes went wide, letting his hand drop to the side upon realization. “Is your husband--?”

 

“Yeah.” Lu Han nodded gravely, heart beating fast. “ _We_ are.”

 

“ _Oh._ ” The doctor slowly nods and sighs, giving Lu Han a light pat on the shoulder. “I’m sorry, Mr. Lu.”

 

A year after Jongdae’s death, Minseok has been diagnosed with COPD.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

Minseok chuckles softly and presses a kiss on Lu Han’s forehead. “Yeobo.” He whispers. “What’s with the face?” When Lu Han didn’t respond, he kisses the frown on Lu Han’s lips. “Aigoo. What happened and why is my Lulu’s smile upside-down?”

 

Lu Han gulped hard and slowly looks up at his husband’s face, his Minseok’s beautiful face. He smiles and cups the elder’s cheek with a hand, Minseok instantly leaning into it.

 

“It’s starting, isn’t it?” Minseok asked.

 

And just like that, the tears began to roll down. “It’s too soon.” Lu Han cries. “I’m not ready.”

 

“You have to.”

 

“I can’t…” The tears are coming faster now. “I don’t want to lose you.”

 

“You won’t.” Minseok pulls Lu Han until he’s sitting on the hospital bed beside him. “I’m still here.”

 

“But you will, and I—“Lu Han hiccups, wiping his tears messily with the back of his hand like a child. “I-I can’t—I don’t know what to do.”

 

Minseok looks at his husband sadly, bringing Lu Han’s face close to kiss him, biting and nipping his lower lip making Lu Han whimper slightly. But even after Minseok’s efforts, Lu Han’s sobs only turned harder and louder at the thought of not feeling Minseok kissing him like this anymore.

 

“Look at me, Lu Han.” Minseok pinned the younger’s arms on top of his head. “I will live my remaining days loving you, and only you, until my last breath.” Lu Han sniffles. “Remember that, Lu?” He smiles down and wipes his husband’s tears with his palm. “I love you, Han.” It was then that Minseok cries, drops of tears falling down Lu Han’s face. “So, so much.”

 


	3. part iii

Lu Han’s moans came to an abrupt stop, quickly sitting up to grab the inhaler, grabs Minseok’s hand and guides the tube into the elder’s mouth as he whispers to take a deep breath and exhale over and over. The doctor prescribed the elder to use an inhaler before they leave the hospital, feeling pity over what his patient is going through. Though it doesn’t help cure his condition, it helped Minseok with his breathing so Lu Han was very grateful.

 

The past few days, Minseok’s health has been slowly falling, eventually quitting his job at the coffee shop because he gets easily tired. He keeps on wheezing and gasping for air and it hurts that Lu Han could only watch as his husband clings to him, crying that he can’t breathe. Like tonight.

 

“I’m sorry.” Minseok pants after that, setting the inhaler on the end table. “I’m sorry, oh my god, Lu. I am so sorry.”

 

“Sshh, it’s okay.” Lu Han wraps his arms around his husband and kisses his cheek. “It’s fine, really. Look, I’m not hard anymore. See?” He said, gesturing to his now soft dick that’s pressed up on his stomach. “So you don’t have to worry. It’s fine. I knew it was a bad idea.”

 

“Oh god.” Minseok groans in frustration, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m so sorry. I just—I just…” He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I can’t satisfy you anymore and I hate myself for it. I-It’s okay if you have sex with other guys, I won’t mi—“   
  


“Now what kind of person would that make me, Kim Minseok?” Lu Han sighs and grabs the elder’s hands, squeezing it. “Jagiya.” He smiles. “I love you, and will only make love to you and no one else. It was my fault for making you do all the work, anyways.”

 

“Still…”

 

“Hey.” Lu Han kisses Minseok. “Let’s do it again, hmm? But this time, instead of you riding me, I’m gonna ride you.” He kisses the elder again, moaning when he felt Minseok’s hand trail down to his sides. The touch alone got Lu Han half-hard again. “Just lie there and let me do the work, hmm?”

 

And Minseok does, letting out small sighs of pleasure as Lu Han kisses every inch of his body, every corner and every mole, he worships. Lu Han pins Minseok’s hands on tops of his head and lets out an obscene moan when he sinks on Minseok’s now hard cock, dragging his body to stretch inside, and his mouth open for a soundless cry of pleasure. Not once did Lu Han closed his eyes through the whole intercourse, fearing that if he did, Minseok would disappear and he would wake up to the harsh reality that his husband will leave him here alone one day.

 

Lu Han collapsed on top of Minseok after letting out a strangled moan, nose hitting the elder’s throat and hands still on his wrist. He feels something wet trickle down making him feel uncomfortable, but he decides to ignore it and makes a move to roll away, only to stop when Minseok wraps his arms around his waist, their hands now intertwined.

 

“You tired, Lu?”

 

“Sex is really exhausting, Minseok. And after bouncing for god knows how long, of course I am.” He pulls his hand away from Minseok’s and push himself up, lips hovering on Minseok’s mouth. “But I don’t mind if you want another round.”

 

Minseok chuckles softly and pulls Lu Han for a quick kiss. “You’re too good for me.” He whispers. “I don’t deserve you.” Lu Han hums upon hearing and rolls to the elder’s side, letting his leg tangle with the other male.

 

“Of course, you do.” He chuckles and pats Minseok’s chest twice. “You’re just too humble.”

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

Lu Han groans a bit, shifting to the side when he heard his phone ring. He grumbles something about being too loud before grabbing the phone on the couch, pressing it against his ears after pressing the button, eyes closed.

 

“Hmm?”

 

_“Lu Han-ssi?”_

 

Lu Han opens his eyes, blinking twice. “Joonmyeon?” He sits up from the mattress, slowly taking Minseok’s arm off his waist. “What are you—“He pauses to look at his phone and sees that he’s using Jongin’s phone. “Why are you calling in the middle of the night?”

 

_“Right. Uh-sorry, I forgot it was night time at your—“He_ heard a rustling sound. _“Luhan-hyung!”_

 

“Jongin?” He furrows his brows. “What are you—“

 

_“We found a cure.”_

 

Lu Han’s breathe hitch a bit, his heart beating so wild. “Pardon?”

 

“ _We found a way to cure Minseok-hyung!”_ Jongin says on the other line, failing to hide the excitement on his voice. “ _He’s not gonna die!”_

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

The moment Lu Han sees the younger male, he immediately latches his arms around him and embraces him tight, nose buried at the crook of his neck. And Jongin laughs at that, hugging the elder back with the same force he is giving him.

 

“Kris, Joonmyeon-hyung’s boyfriend, found something that might surprise you.” Jongin said, smiling as they walk side by side at the park, leaving the couple back at the cottage to watch over Minseok.

 

“Let’s go with it, Jongin.” Lu Han said, unintentionally showing the eagerness on his voice. “Tell me, the cure. How?”

 

“Easy.” Jongin grins. “We do the same thing they did to us.” Lu Han furrowed his brows in confusion. “Get the doctors at the city to inject the disease out of Minseok-hyung and transfer it to another person.”

 

Upon hearing that, Lu Han froze, eyes wide in shock. “What?”

 

Jongin sighs. “I said, inject the—“

 

“No, I heard you just fine.” Lu Han waves him away. “I was just wondering what the fucking hell you’re thinking considering that?!” He shouted, veins visible on his neck. Jongin was taken aback, surprised at what the elder male reacted. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!”

 

Jongin shakes his head and glares. “Well, news flash! There’s no other way! That’s the only option. If you want Minseok-hyung to survive, then do the fucking procedure!”

 

“Jongin, the people who they inject the diseases are children.” Lu Han scowls. “Innocent little children who has no idea what the fucking government are doing to them!”

 

“So what if they’ve been injected? They can always inject it o—“Jongin’s words were cut off when Lu Han’s fist collided with his face, making take a few steps back. “What the fuck?!”

 

“I may be selfish, Jongin.” Lu Han glares. “But I’m not that cruel.” He shakes his head in disgust and walks away, leaving Jongin standing there as he nurses his swollen face.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

“Lu.” Minseok calls out. “Lu H-“ The elder coughs making Lu Han snap his head towards his husband, eyes wide in panic before scrambling towards him, hand rubbing his back. “No, no. It’s okay. It wasn’t an attack.” He wheezes.

  
Lu Han stares at him sadly, pulling Minseok until they were sitting on the couch. “It’s getting worse, isn’t it?”

 

“It’s not.” Minseok waves off with a smile. “I feel fine.”

 

“We both know that’s bull shit, Minseok.” The younger snaps making the elder furrow his brows upon hearing that. “It’s destroying your lungs. Do you think it’s still fine?”

 

Minseok sighs and grabs his hand, squeezing it. “Han.” He clicks his tongue and chuckles when Lu Han looked away. “Hey.” He whispers and turns his chin so that they were facing each other. “Are you still upset about the _cure_ that Jongin told you?” When Lu Han didn’t answer, Minseok sighs. “I told you not to get your hopes up.”

 

“I just thought…” Lu Han lowers his gaze. “I-I just thought the—there was a w-way to--”

 

“Hey, are you gonna cry again?” Minseok lowers his head and peeks up to look at Lu Han’s eyes already brimming in tears. The elder chuckles at the sight and cups his husband’s face. “Jagiya.” He coos. “People do crazy things for someone they care about even if what they’re about to do is completely wrong.” He caresses the younger’s cheeks with his thumbs. “Jongin’s just worried.”

 

“They’re innocent, Minseok. I don’t want them to be like us.” Lu Han sniffles. “And I know even if I agreed, you still wouldn’t do the procedure.”

 

Minseok smiles upon hearing that and wipes a single tear that trails down Lu Han’s cheek. “Let’s go to bed, Han.” He whispers. “I’m tired.” And Lu Han nods, leaning to close the gap between them before wrapping the elder in a tight embrace.

 

That night, Lu Han watches Minseok sleep, staring at how beautiful and peaceful he looks right now. He gently touches his smooth forehead, trailing it down to his nose until it lands on his soft lips. Minseok looks so peaceful, he thought. And after that, Lu Han cries softly.

 

This must be what Minseok’s expression would look like inside his coffin.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry for what I said a few weeks back. I—“Jongin shakes his head. “I wasn’t thinking.”

 

“Of course, you weren’t.” Lu Han said coldly. The tanned male shifted uncomfortably, taking a glance at the front yard to look at Joonmyeon talking to Minseok with a gummy smile. “But I forgive your insensitive words.” The younger did a double take at the elder upon hearing that.

 

“Thanks.” He slowly smiled and shifts his eyes back at Minseok. “How is he?”

 

“I’d be lying if I said he’s okay.” Lu Han sighs. “It’s getting worse every day. He finds it hard to breathe, and because of that, he can’t get a good rest.” He rubs his hands on his arms. “It scares me…his attacks, I mean. I-It’s like....It’s like there’s someone choking him to death.”

 

Jongin slowly nods. They were now both looking at the elder male. “I’m really sorry for suggesting the procedure, hyung.” He sighs. “It’s just….” He pauses, feeling constricted. “I’m still mad at myself for not doing more…doing more than enough when Kyungsoo was suffering. I still hate myself for it.” He shrugs. “I just thought that if I saved Minseok-hyung, then maybe I’d forgive myself for bringing Kyungsoo down.”

 

“You didn’t bring him down.” Lu Han said. “You were there until his last breath.”

 

“He died not knowing who I am, hyung.” Jongin says, voice a bit higher. Lu Han turns his head to meet the younger’s eyes. “He called me Kai and I fucking let him because he kept on calling me that.” He scowls, feeling angry at himself. ”Because at that time it was enough…Because I thought that it was okay rather than being no one at all. But even if I tell him I’m Jongin every fucking day, he still keeps on calling me Kai and it’s just… frustrating.”  

 

Upon hearing that, Lu Han reaches out to the younger male and claps his shoulder, smiling. “Do you remember what the pastor told us back when he brought a hamster for us to play with, Jongin?” And just as Lu Han expected, Jongin’s eyes went wide in realization, tears brimming on the corner of his eyes. “He said that if you want to keep something, you have to name it.” Lu Han slides his hand and rubs Jongin’s back. “He may not remember your name, but that doesn’t mean he forgot his feelings for you.”

 

Jongin lowers his gaze and when he looks up at Lu Han, he looks like a kid who just found his parents after long hours of searching. The elder smiles upon seeing that. “Kyungsoo loves you, Jongin.” Lu Han whispers, clapping Jongin’s back twice. “He died loving you.”

 

And with that, Jongin lets out a heartbreaking cry so loud that it catches Joonmyeon and Minseok’s attention. The younger hugs him tight, sobbing on his chest and Lu Han lets him, mouthing at the others that everything’s fine.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

 

“I feel like an old person.”

 

“You don’t look like one, though.” Lu Han murmurs against Minseok’s hair, arms wrapped around the elder whose back is pressed close against his chest. They were sitting on the white sand of the beach a few feet away from the shoreline, feeling the cool wind pass by against them. “You’re more like a teddy bear.”

 

Minseok snorts. “I just said I feel like I’m old. I didn’t say I’m getting old.”

 

“Isn’t that the same, jagi?”

 

“Aish.” Minseok laughs and lets his head lean back, a perfect fit on Lu Han’s shoulder. “Okay, let’s change what I said earlier.” He grins. “I feel like I’m a character on some cliché drama novel. You know? The kind of novels that you’re reading.”

 

Lu Han hums. “What novel?”

 

“Dear John.” Minseok smiles. “I remember seeing you read that book when I pass by your room 11 years ago.” Lu Han chuckles and lifts their intertwined fingers together so he can see it. “You look so cute back then.”

 

Lu Han pouts. “Just back then?”

 

Minseok twists his body and ruffles the younger’s hair making Lu Han laugh. “Always greedy with the compliments, really.” The elder chuckles, standing up from his knees before dipping his head down to kiss Lu Han on the lips, cupping the younger’s face and tilt it upwards to deepen it. “So beautiful.” Minseok kisses him again. “Gorgeous.”

 

And Lu Han blushes upon hearing that, grinning.

 

“I’m not always here to shower you with compliments, Lu.” Minseok whispers, brushing the younger’s hair to the side.

 

“I know.” Lu Han said and wiggles his brows. “Which is why you need to tell me how beautiful I look every second.” 

 

“So vain.”

 

“You love me anyway.”

 

Minseok coughs a bit before chuckling, tackling his husband in a tight hug, making Lu Han fall on his back, a loud series of laughs erupting out of their mouths.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

 

Lu Han wakes up after hearing Minseok’s groans of pain—no, more like howls of pain. He pulls the cover in one yank and watches in horror as Minseok cries out in pain, hand digging on his chest. Lu Han sobs. On the third month, Minseok’s chest pains seems to worsen. Back then, Minseok would just wince when it’s starting and would smile like it’s nothing. But now, he can’t even sit up and just curls on the bed, eyes squeezed shut and fist on chest.

 

“Oh my god, Minseok.” Lu Han sobs, eyes wide in panic because he’s at loss of what to do. He runs his fingers on his hair, curling it into a fist just when it reaches near his ear.  

 

“Lu Han, it hurts!” Minseok cries, thrashing from side to side. “It hurts! It hurts! Please…” He cries harder. “Please make it… make it stop! Lu Han!”

 

Lu Han shakes his head and just wrapped the elder male in a tight embrace, arms firmly wrapped around Minseok’s body and legs caged on the elder’s feet. Minseok kept thrashing around, accidentally hitting Lu Han’s stomach with his elbow, but he kept his grip tight, face buried on the crook of Minseok’s neck.

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispers. “I’m sorry.”

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

Minseok watches Lu Han as he washes the dishes on the kitchen with a sad smile. Lu Han notices, but pretends not to. Instead, he focuses all of his attention on the wet dishes, now drying them off before placing them back on the cupboard.

 

“I’m useless, aren’t I?”

 

Lu Han froze. “No, you’re not.” He then continues. “Get some rest, Min.”

 

Minseok ignores that and tilts his head to the side. “What did the doctor said about my x-ray?”

 

Lu Han sighs and wipes his hand on the towel at the rack before facing his husband, who’s looking at him from across the living room, sitting on his favorite brown couch. Minseok, who’s like a radiant glow of energy that’s shaking Lu Han to wake up so that they could start the morning, (he’s not a morning person) is now this pale and worn-out guy with dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. Those smooth and soft lips are now dry and chapped, and his muscular build is now reduced to skin and bones.

 

“Air pockets in your lungs.” Lu Han weakly smiles. “It grew larger which explains why you find it harder to breathe than when the first few symptoms showed.”

 

Minseok closed his eyes and nods. “I’m getting worse, aren’t I?”

 

“No.”

 

“Lu Han, I can feel it. I’m getting weaker. I can’t even walk straight. My attacks are going—“

 

“Shut the fuck up, Minseok. You are not getting worse, you fucking hear me?!” Lu Han bursts out, eyes wide and glaring at his sick husband, who simply stares at him. “You’re okay.” He nods too quickly for his liking like he’s trying to convince himself instead of Minseok. “You’re okay. It’s just depression talking, you’re okay.”

 

“Lu Han.” Minseok rasps after a few coughs. “I—“He stops when he sees the younger male with tears rolling down his cheeks. “You’re right.” He sighs and smiles weakly. “I’m fine, Lu.” He chuckles softly, coughing midway, and holds his arms out, reaching for Lu Han. “Come and sit on my lap?”

 

“But you’re—“

 

“I’m fine, remember?” The elder softly laughs and pats his lap twice. “Come.”

 

Lu Han hesitates for a moment before approaching the man, lowering himself gently but ended up falling on Minseok’s lap when the elder pulled him down, arms wrapped around his waist. Lu Han gasps at that and tries to stand up to lessen the weight but Minseok’s grip made it hard to move so he just sighed and let the elder do what he wants.

 

“So heavy.”

 

Lu Han made a noise. “Aish. Let me go so I can—“

 

“I meant it as a joke, Lu.” Minseok chuckles and leans his head on the younger’s back. “Just a joke.”

 

So Lu Han stays seated there until he hears Minseok snoring behind him, yet arms still wrapped tightly around his waist. And he cries. He cries because he knows that every little thing that Minseok makes, every little act that he does and every little word he says has their meanings. Lu Han knows because he said it himself a year back when they weren’t married.

 

He’s crying because he fully understands what this gesture means. He could practically imagine Minseok telling it to him in his mind.

 

_“Even if I am tired and weak, I’m not gonna let you go. I’m **never** gonna let you go.” _

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“It’s close, isn’t it?” Lu Han shot a glare at Jongin but the younger doesn’t seem to mind. “I can see it in your eyes, hyung. I have the same look before, I can tell.”

 

“No, he’s not.”

 

“Hyung—“

 

“Just fuck off, Jongin.” Lu Han scowls and walks away to go to Minseok, who’s enjoying the ocean breeze all comfortable on his wheelchair. Minseok snaps out of his daze when he felt his husband tap his shoulder and smiles weakly at him in which Lu Han responded with a quick kiss on the lips.

 

Jongin could only sigh as he watches them.

 

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

“Jagiya.”

 

Lu Han drops the book that he’s reading on his lap and moves to sit beside his husband on the sofa, eyebrows raised, waiting for what his husband is gonna say.

 

“Let’s talk a walk.” Minseok smiles.

 

“Of course, jagi.” Lu Han stands up and lifts Minseok, gently settling him down on the wheelchair.

 

He didn’t notice the sad gaze Minseok is giving him.

 

~*~

 

Lu Han shifts uncomfortably when he noticed Minseok staring at him. There was something about the way his stare pierces him, making him feel shy all of the sudden. It was so intense and full of emotions that he can’t point out. He squirms and makes a little noise of discomfort. “Minseok, why are you—“

 

“I love you.” Minseok croaks out, smiling at him. “I am so head-over-heels in love with you, Lu Han. Ever since we were little, it was only you. Just you.”

 

Lu Han furrows his brows in confusion.

 

“I accepted to be Jongdae’s lover because I…” He shakes his head slowly. “I don’t deserve you. You’re too good for someone like me and you’re so beautiful and gorgeous and so, so, so amazing that I feel like you’re way out of my league.” He coughs. “For over the course of time, I admit I grew to like Jongdae, and then I thought, maybe I have moved on. But then you left for the city and I—“He coughs again. “I feel so lost and empty and was so out of it. It was like my heart followed you there and left me here… thinking of you.”

 

Lu Han bit his lower lip, on the verge of tears. “Minseok, what are you—why are you saying this? Why are you—“

 

“If I can turn back time, then maybe I should have kissed you back then instead of Jongdae.” Minseok rasps out. “Then maybe,” A series of coughs interrupted his sentence, Lu Han immediately rubbing his back. “Maybe we could have been spending more time together. We could have been raising a child together. Those 10 years…” He pauses, smiling weakly. “It could have been filled with memories of us.”

 

“Minseok.” Lu Han softly sobs, cupping his husband’s smiling face.  

 

“But somehow I don’t regret a thing.” He whispers. “I don’t regret being with Jongdae because it helped me realize how important you are to me. I don’t regret everything I did, because if I didn’t, then maybe you wouldn’t be here right now, right in front of me, cupping my face with those beautiful hands while staring at me with the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.”

 

Minseok wheezes and Lu Han is quick to help but the elder shakes his head and assures that he’s all right by holding Lu Han’s hand that’s on his right cheek. “I love you, Han.” He whispers. “I just want you to know that you are the best thing that ever happened to me. Remember that.” He smiles but does not cry, wiping his husband’s tears instead with shaky hands. “I am so grateful that God gave me a chance to be with you even if it’s only for a short while.”

 

“I love you, too.” Lu Han cries. “Minseok, I love you so much; I swear to God, it’s true.”

 

“I know.” Minseok chuckles weakly. “I know.” He allows Lu Han to kiss him, deep and slow, soft and innocent like they’re sealing a promise. And Minseok smiles after that, caressing his husband’s soft curly locks. “I’m tired, Lu.” He whispers. “I want to rest.”

 

“O-Okay.” Lu Han nods, sniffling and smiles after he places Minseok back on his wheelchair. “Let’s come back here, okay? They say that it’s gonna be a full moon tomorrow.” Minseok didn’t say anything and just reaches from his back to hold Lu Han’s hand instead.

 

Minseok didn’t wake up the next morning.

 

 

 

**\----**

 

 

 

 

Minseok’s ashes were spread over at his— _their_ hiding place in that small cave at the corner of the beach by his request via letter, which was given to Lu Han after 2 weeks of Minseok’s death. It turns out the reason why Minseok wanted to meet Jongin and Joonmyeon frequently is because he needed someone to write his last wishes.

 

Lu Han, during the funeral, was expected to cry and wail like Jongin did back at Kyungsoo’s funeral. So it was an utter surprise when the elder didn’t. Instead, he simply stood there, watching everything from the prayers, to the speeches by Minseok’s friends down to watching Minseok’s corpse burn to flames.

 

He didn’t cry. He simply held it in.

 

“Hyung.”

 

“I’m fine, Jongin-ah. Don’t worry.” Lu Han waves in dismissal and just lies on the mattress at the living room where Minseok and he used to sleep, tangled in sheets and sharing morning and goodnight kisses. But now he’s all alone, body sprawled over the softness, Minseok’s scent still lingering. “Go to sleep. I’ll just call you when I need anything.”

 

After a moment of hesitation, Jongin sighs and nods before ascending the stairs and enters his room. He expects the elder to stand up and walk around because he can’t sleep. But what he didn’t expect is to see him already snoring softly at 11 in the evening when he came down to check up on him. Maybe he already prepared himself for this, Jongin thought.

 

But what Jongin didn’t know, is that at the strike of 2 in the morning, Lu Han would go out of the house in his pajamas, walking barefooted against the white sands of the beach as he lets the cold breeze pass by his face. He would stand there on that same spot where he shared his last moments with his husband, recalling every feature, every word and every action Minseok did.

 

Lu Han stood there and let the tears fall, chest heaving and small hiccups leaving his mouth as he did. And as he closes his eyes, the images of Minseok smiling at him even if he’s got a bruise on his knee, blushing when Lu Han kisses his cheek for the first time, grinning lazily after intercourse and that weak smile when he’s pretending to be okay even though he’s in a lot of pain, came flashing all at once in his mind.

 

“Minseok, I swear…” He cries, pulling the wooden deer in his pocket and pressed it against his chest.

 

_I swear to love you, and only you, until my last breath._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: Oh my god, I feel so emotional right now (le cries) thank you for reading everyone! Sorry for the mistakes. I’ll edit it tomorrow.
> 
> Okay, just wanna add these:
> 
> 1\. A year after Minseok’s death, Tao (Sehun’s boyfriend) died from tuberculosis.  
>  2\. Even during at his worst stage of Alzheimer’s, Kyungsoo never took his wedding ring off even if he has no clue why he is wearing it.  
>  3\. Jongin started showing symptoms of malaria a year after Lu Han’s death.  
>  4\. Baekhyun and Chanyeol got married a month before Chanyeol died.  
>  5\. Jongdae and Minseok broke up 2 days after Lu Han left.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


	4. side story: baekyeol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear universe revolving around baekhyun and chanyeol

side story: baekyeol

* * *

 

They were ten and despite being young, Chanyeol already knows he’s in love with Baekhyun. The way the smaller would flash him that childish grin whenever one of the nuns didn’t find out what kind of childish prank they did. Ever since they first met, they stuck together like glue. Not once did they part. It was always Chanyeol and Baekhyun – Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

 

They were sixteen when they first declared that they love each other. Chanyeol was the one with the red tinge cheeks and Baekhyun was the one who made a move first because Chanyeol doesn’t look like he’s going to do it. He leans first and presses his lips quickly against Chanyeol’s chapped ones. The first one was for experimental purposes and when Chanyeol didn’t make a move to push him away, Baekhyun leans once again to kiss him and this time, Chanyeol did not hesitate to kiss back.

 

They were eighteen. The pastor gave them his old house back when he’s living at village near the city and the two of them accepted the gift graciously. They arrived 37 hours later, with Chanyeol looking like he’s about to pass out and Baekhyun, who looks happy and the sight of the house despite it being worn down and old.

 

“It can be fixed with a few tinkering here and there.” Baekhyun grins at Chanyeol. “I’m glad that we finally have something that we can call our own.”

 

Hearing that made Chanyeol’s heart soar because from that, he can hear the way Baekhyun said everything with finality. That he’s really going to give Chanyeol his future and that he’s willing to spend the rest of his life with him.

 

They were nineteen when they first did it. Chanyeol pulls Baekhyun so close to him and settles in between parted legs. Baekhyun was flushed pink from head to toe, staring up at Chanyeol with those heavy and lust-filled eyes. He was in love, oh, he was so in love with the smaller underneath him and Chanyeol cannot help but shower him with kisses. Pressed against the blue mattress that’s sprawled on the living room floor, Baekhyun clawed the sheets as he moans against Chanyeol’s cheek. The hard, yet gentle thrusts Chanyeol gave him made him feel all sorts of things that he doesn’t want this to stop. Ever.

 

“I love you,” Chanyeol whispers to him and Baekhyun responds with a breathy “I love you, too.”

 

They were twenty-two when Baekhyun settles in a high-paying job, which is being a piano tutor to some kid named, Qian. The girl was exceptional and very talented so it wasn’t a hard for Baekhyun to teach her. At the same time, Chanyeol was hired to become a construction worker in the city, lifting heavy objects along with his co-workers and following what the engineer in charge was ordering them to.

 

It was around that time when Baekhyun met Qian’s uncle, Zhang Yixing.

 

Yixing was a very handsome man and he grew quite fond of his niece’s piano tutor. And because Baekhyun was still young and naïve, he found Yixing interesting after a few conversations about musical pieces that they love. Though it was obvious that Yixing grew a particular liking towards Baekhyun and since Baekhyun doesn’t mention having someone, he continues his pursuit.

 

Around this point of their relationship, Baekhyun notices how Chanyeol became gravely distant. He would cite his work as an excuse and would leave the house after kissing Baekhyun good bye and a good luck before walking out of the house only to come back around five in the morning. It was the hardest point of Baekhyun’s life because he misses his giant so much. But whenever he would suggest on spending some quality time together, Chanyeol would just wave his suggestion off with a kiss on his forehead and immediately goes to bed.

 

In Chanyeol’s absence, Yixing was there and despite Baekhyun’s inner turmoil, he can’t help but give in because he’s just a man with needs after all and it’s been a long time since he’s been intimate with Chanyeol. And so that night, instead of going home, he accompanies Yixing on a dinner in some fancy restaurant which ultimately leads to Yixing pinning Baekhyun against the wall as he kisses him hard with so much passion and lust.

 

Baekhyun’s moans were soft, whispering against Yixing’s ears as he nips his neck. With a grunt, he lifts the younger up, wrapping his petite legs around his waist as he grinds their hard clothed cocks together, and their mouths meshing into a messy kiss.

 

It was late when Chanyeol arrived home and he found himself extremely worried because Baekhyun’s not at home. One step on the stairs was all it took before he found himself hunching back with a hand nursing his head. It suddenly throbbed and Chanyeol almost sobbed because it really hurts.

 

The pants were gone. They were lying on the floor along with his clothes. Yixing’s body was grinding slowly against him, teasing him and call him selfish but Baekhyun wants – no, he **needs** more. Yixing’s mouth kept on kissing his neck but what he really craves for is for those soft lips to reconnect with his.

 

His hand slipped. Chanyeol tumbled backwards, his back meeting the floor hard making him scream in pain. It hurts so goddamn much. Everything hurts. He’s flaming up – burning up, everything hurts. His visions dims and yet he still fights back to blink – he still fights back to breathe because he needs to be okay – to act like he’s okay when Baekhyun comes back.

 

The moans Baekhyun screams out were sinful, Yixing thinks. With every hard thrusts he gives, Baekhyun would moan out his name and claw his back with red streaks making him groan. The pleasure intensifies, everything was so _intense_. Baekhyun moans, pitchy and whiny and he groans out loud when he can see Yixing pounding into him from the mirror and he thinks that yes, yes, _harder_ he needs _more._

 

He can’t breathe. Chanyeol can’t breathe. He screams Baekhyun’s name but it only came out as a grunt. He tried to stand but he lost his balance and ended up knocking the lampshade on the end table. Fortunately, from that sound, old Sooman comes quickly inside the house, thinking that something must be wrong. And with a gasp, he found Chanyeol on the floor writhing in pain, looking helpless and scared. Chanyeol was _scared_.

 

After calling the ambulance, he crouches down and places Chanyeol’s head on his lap. “You’re going to be fine, sonny. Just breathe.”

 

Chanyeol tried, he really did. But it was just so… hard.

 

The next day, Baekhyun oddly doesn’t feel guilty and was even the one who initiated morning sex. But he knew that there was someone waiting for him back at home. It wasn’t right, he thought, and that this isn’t fair to Chanyeol. He wants to convince himself that this _thing_ with Yixing was just a fling, but then he can’t deny the happiness he feels whenever he’s with the elder. It was hard, but he knew he had to choose one.

 

Everything hurts.

 

Chanyeol looks around the white room and groans. Everything was a blur. He can’t remember what happened back at the house and whenever he tries, his head would throb painfully. He can hear a bunch of voices outside the door. They were hushed and slow then suddenly, he can hear old Sooman shouting profanities to the doctor. Chanyeol doesn’t know why, but he really wants to find out. But before he could even stand up, the doctor entered the room with a grim expression on his face with old Sooman tailing behind him.

 

“Park Chanyeol,” The doctor trails. “I would like you to answer a few questions. Is it all right with you?”

 

Chanyeol furrows his brows in confusion. “What for?”

 

“Just for,” The doctor pauses for a moment, as if he’s hesitating. “…confirmation.”

 

Baekhyun gasped at the sight of the mess in the living room that the first thing he did was pull out his phone to call Chanyeol. There was no answer. Suddenly, he feels scared, _terrified_ at the thought of whatever happened to Chanyeol. But before he can even run outside, he found himself standing face to face with Chanyeol, who’s smiling at him wide.

 

“What’s up Baek?”

 

“What’s up?” Baekhyun scowls. “What’s up? What the hell, Chanyeol?! What happened here?!”

 

Hearing that, Chanyeol’s face fell. “I just… tripped, is all. I’m sorry.”

 

“Dammit, Yeol.” He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs heavily through his nose. “Don’t you ever make me worry again, Chanyeol. I mean it.”

 

Whatever there is that Chanyeol wants to say, he quickly swallows them down and offers the smaller male a smile. “I’m sorry, Baek. I promise I won’t make you worry again.”

 

And so, Chanyeol decided to hide his _illness_ to Baekhyun.

 

“Good luck with work, Baek!” Chanyeol would wave at his boyfriend with a smile, who smiles back at him before driving away, before slamming the door shut. He squeezes his eyes in pain as he grips his clothed chest hard.

 

It was starting again, his head was throbbing like crazy. Lately, it’s been hard to walk because his leg suddenly started to give way. There was a time when he resorted on crawling just to get upstairs and hide inside the guest room when he heard Baekhyun pulling over from the driveway. Sleeping next to Baekhyun has been difficult lately, because his leg started to hurt and then it was followed by his stomach.

 

He muffles his whimpers with his mouth as he tries not to make a noise. It hurts a lot but he has to endure. He **has to** endure. He doesn’t want Baekhyun to worry.

 

Baekhyun, however, was oblivious on how Chanyeol was behaving, having completely focused on Yixing. The man was showering him with gifts and bringing him to places he wishes to go but can’t because he has no money. Everything was a dream before but now, he’s living it. Yixing is the happiness that he needs all along. And as he snuggles on the elder’s arms, he wishes right there and then that time with him would last forever.

 

Chanyeol collapsed at work one day.

 

He was in the middle of helping Hyukjae lift the sack of gravel when he suddenly collapsed. All of the sudden, he can’t feel his legs, his vision was dimming and everything was throbbing. He can hear Hyukjae calling out to him, calling his name over and over. Chanyeol doesn’t know what to feel at this moment. But all he really wants right now is to see Baekhyun. To hold him again like the old times. Just that and he’s fine.

 

But he doesn’t want to risk it. He can’t let Baekhyun see his current state. He can’t. Not ever.

 

They were twenty-four when Baekhyun finally revealed things to Chanyeol. But instead of getting mad, Chanyeol flashes him a warm smile.

 

“I’m not stopping you.” He whispers, voice hoarse. “It’s not too late to live the life you’ve always wanted, Baek. Seeing you happy is enough for me. And if you’re happy with someone else, then I’m willing to let you go.”

 

Baekhyun was happy. Though he tried to not show it to Chanyeol, it was still too obvious. Without a moment lost, he quickly makes his way towards Yixing’s place and enveloped in a tight hug, whispering and telling the man how much he loves him so much.

 

Finally alone, Chanyeol tries to bite down his lower lip in order not to cry, but he did anyway. A pathetic sob escaped his lips. It wasn’t because he found out Baekhyun was seeing another man behind his back. No. He cannot blame Baekhyun for doing that. He knew that he was going to die soon and in his current state, he will only make Baekhyun drown in worry. He doesn’t want Baekhyun to worry. He **promised** not to.

 

As days passed by, Chanyeol slowly feels himself weaken. His color faded and was replaced with a pale white skin. He lost weight even without trying and his body hurts… a lot.

 

Old Sooman reaches out a towel to wipe his nose. “Your nose is bleeding again, sonny.”

 

“Ah,” Chanyeol laughs weakly in embarrassment. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Hey, don’t move.” He tips the younger’s head and pushes him down gently to lay down. “Does it hurt somewhere?” Chanyeol shakes his head and sighs, closing his eyes. Unfortunately, he was running down another massive fever.

 

There was a long moment of silence before Chanyeol opens his mouth. “You don’t have to do anything. You can go back home. I’m going to be fine.”

 

“No, you’re not.” The old man mutters. “My wife was just like you, you know. The doctors never paid attention to her because she was a kid from the _orphanage_. So until her last moments, I stuck beside her like glue. I was still young and reckless back then and I admit on doing some things I regret even until now. I failed on being there for her during the early stages because of my stupidity. I won’t do that again, not ever.”

 

Chanyeol blinks wearily at him, fighting not to fall asleep but he did anyway, feeling the old man’s warm hand patting his head.

 

Baekhyun, on the other hand, was living the life.

 

Holding Yixing’s hand, they took strolls in the park, laughing at some things all the while discussing the future they were going look forward together. Qian wasn’t that surprised upon hearing the news. In fact, she already knew about it. It was actually because Yixing could not help but ask nonstop about her piano tutor that she noticed. Yixing blushed hard at that and Baekhyun could only coo at him, whispering how adorable he is.

 

Baekhyun was in love.

 

Not with Yixing. But the way Yixing moves and acts, it reminds him of Chanyeol during their younger years. Chanyeol smiles a lot – laughs a lot, is very hyper and never fails to make Baekhyun laugh. Every move Yixing makes, reminds him of the giant. It would be a lie if he said that he doesn’t miss him, because he does. He really does. But Chanyeol has changed and apparently, so does him. They’ve grown apart. The separation was inevitable.

 

It was during his grocery shopping was when he came across Chanyeol’s co-worker. He didn’t notice the latter. But when he felt a hand tapping his shoulder, his eyes went wide before he broke out into a smile. “Hyukjae!”

 

“Hey, Baekhyun.” Hyukjae grins. “It’s been a long while, hasn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, I supposed so.”

 

“Anyways, how’s Chanyeol?”

 

Oh, yeah. He doesn’t know about the break-up. But before he could even say a word, Hyukjae beats him to it.

 

“The last time I heard of him was from an old colleague of ours.” Hyukjae continued. “He saw Chanyeol again at the hospital in the city. I’m sorry, Baekhyun. I didn’t know.”

 

Baekhyun furrows his brows in confusion. “Wait, what do you mean Chanyeol’s in the hospital?”

 

Hyukjae looks at him, puzzled. “Baekhyun, Chanyeol’s been staying at the hospital for three months now. Didn’t you know? But I thought you two were –“

 

“What hospital?” Baekhyun drops the paper bags and grabs Hyukjae by the shoulder, shaking him when the latter didn’t answer. “Tell me the goddamn name of the hospital!”

 

Kim Yesung, old Sooman’s nephew who turned out to be one of the most influential doctors in Seoul, volunteered to be in charge of Chanyeol. It was asking for the impossible, the others think, because a man growing up to be injected with a disease is incurable no matter what method you use, which is one of the reasons why some doctors give up or tells the patient that he cannot help them. Yesung was the same, but because of his Uncle’s attachment to the guy, he can’t help but offer his assistance.

 

“I cannot help in terms of healing you.” Yesung said to Chanyeol. “But I can help to slow the process.”

 

“There seems to be a pattern.” Yesung explains to his Uncle. “He gets attacks almost every four hours: the first one mild, the second hard and the last one is fine. Pain relievers are useless. The only thing he can do is endure the pain.”

 

“But isn’t there another way?” Sooman asked.

 

“I’m sorry, Uncle.” Yesung sighs. “But I am trying my very best here.”

 

Their conversation came to abrupt stop when a nurse ran towards their direction. “Doctor, Park Chanyeol’s having another attack. It’s the second one.”

 

Baekhyun wandered off the hospital building, looking for a certain room at the very far corner of the third floor. It turns out that Chanyeol wasn’t in the hospital record. When Baekhyun asked for his name, the nurse’s eyes went wide before dropping low into a whisper.

 

“What is your relation to the patient?”

 

He opted to tell _close_ _friend_ , but he knows chances of getting him to Chanyeol would be none so he told her, “Family.” And it was true. The only family that they have now is each other. The nurse looks skeptical upon hearing his answer.

  
“He didn’t mention having a brother.”

 

“No, I’m not his –“ Baekhyun clamped his eyes shut and lets out a shaky sigh. “I just please… **please** I need to see him right now.”

 

After mentally debating whether she should or not, the nurse looks around and bends down to whisper to his ear where Chanyeol’s room is located. Why was it kept a secret, he doesn’t know. He doesn’t care because right now, he wants to see Chanyeol.

 

He reached the designated room. It was open and there were a lot of nurses coming in and out of the room. He can feel it, a small fraction of fear throbbing his chest and yet, he still pushes himself to go and see what’s happening inside.

 

The sight was something he could not wipe away in his mind.

 

“Hold him together.” Yesung ordered the nurses, and they did, holding Chanyeol’s thrashing limbs. “Hold it!” The syringe wasn’t working. It seems like he developed an anti-body for it. Yesung mutters a low curse. There was no choice but to make him endure.

 

Chanyeol fainted after that and Yesung ordered the nurses to go back to their work, thanking their assistance. And it was only then when he noticed another presence hanging near the door. He tilts his head in curiosity before approaching the trembling man. “What is your business here?”

 

The man seems to snap out of his trance. “I-uh…” He looks past him with a worried gaze. “C-Chanyeol…”

 

Yesung narrows his gaze down the man, but stops when he hears his Uncle call out the smaller’s name. Old Sooman was surprised to see Baekhyun. He faintly remembered Chanyeol mentioning to him that Baekhyun won’t be a part of his life from now on and that it’s for the best. He thought the young lad knew about Chanyeol’s state, but seeing him right now tells that he doesn’t.

 

“Today was a rough day, Baekhyun-ah.” Sooman whispers, a hand reaching out to give the younger’s shoulder a squeeze. “I think you should go home.”

 

“B-But…”

 

“You’ve seen enough for today.” Sooman said. “Go home.”

 

“I…” Baekhyun stands firm, fists clenching and eyes red from trying to stop the tears. “I need some answers.”

 

“And you’ll get your answers.” The old man assures him. “But it’s my not place to tell you those answers.” He can sense that the younger wanted to wait but his nephew intervenes with a shake of his head, interrupting their conversation.

 

“He’s undergoing a lot of stress, right now.” Yesung said. “Baekhyun-sshi, you should really follow what my uncle is telling you to do. Go home and rest. It’s up to you if you want to come back or not.” He gestures the way out with his hand. “Please try not to catch any attention as you go out.”

 

That night, Baekhyun could not sleep. He couldn’t even if he tried. Instead, he found himself staring at nothing as he sits there in the living room, eyes void of emotion. Yixing approaches him and asks for his lover to go to bed with him, but Baekhyun shakes his head with a weak smile and tells him that he’ll join him soon. He’s just not tired, yet.

 

The next morning, he found himself standing face to face with Chanyeol. With chapped lips and skinny limbs, Chanyeol was smiling at the sight of children playing down the hospital playground. The children were noisy and full of brightness that he can’t help but laugh and be amused at the sight. But the smile fell when he turns his head only to see a clearly messed Baekhyun, staring at him filled with worry.

 

**Worry**.

 

Chanyeol forced out a smile. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun scrunches his face and then, tears fell down, droplets rolling down his cheeks. “C-Chanyeol, why…? W-What happened to you?”

 

This was what he feared the most. Chanyeol shakes his head and laughs, a vibrant one but he ended up coughing a few seconds later, wheezing. Baekhyun made a move to come closer but Chanyeol holds out a hand for him to stop. “What are you talking about?” He grins. “I’m fine.”

 

“Chanyeol –“

 

“Look, if you’re here because you’re worried about me, then I suggest you not to come back anymore.” Chanyeol smiles down, staring at his knee. “I’m fine, Baekhyun. Stop worrying. You should leave.”

 

“No!” Baekhyun puts up a brave face. “No, I am not leaving you, you hear me?” He approaches the taller until he was inches near the bed. “I will not leave until you tell me what’s going –“

 

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol’s voice dropped octaves lower, his face scrunching. “Baekhyun, leave. B-Baek –“ He wheezes, his eyes suddenly going wide as he hunched back, clutching his clothed chest. “Dammit, leave Baekhyun!”

 

But Baekhyun was having none of it. Instead, he pulls Chanyeol’s head against his chest as he shouts for help, pressing the red button on the wall over and over. Chanyeol can feel his vision dimming. Everything was started to blur as he breaks out in sheer cold sweat. His bones were throbbing – no, everything was throbbing. And it was painful. Everything is so painful.

 

He finds it hard to speak, but he still manages to whisper, “D-Don’t look, B-Baek…” He can hear Chanyeol’s sobs even when the doctor and nurses came in. “Don’t look.” He said. “Don’t look.” He kept on whispering it over and over.

 

_Don’t look_.

 

“Chanyeol is in his final stages of leukemia.” Yesung told him that night after Chanyeol’s third attack. “I am doing whatever I can to slow it down, but I believe…” The doctor bites his knuckles and looks away for a moment. “That this is as far as I can do.”

 

Baekhyun’s eyes went wide. “W-What?”

 

“Take him to a place where he’s happy so that he’ll be at peace on his remaining days.”

 

“R-Remaining days? Y-You mean…”

 

“Two months or if we’re lucky, he’s going to last for three. I don’t know.” Yesung took off his glasses and drags his hand down his face, eyes turning red. “Make him happy. Just…” He lets out a shaky sigh. “Just make him happy.”

 

The day before Chanyeol’s discharge to the hospital, Baekhyun packed his bags silently, determined to move out of Yixing’s place. Yixing was confused and at the same time frustrated. But upon hearing the reason, he could not do anything but just sit there and watch Baekhyun descended the stairs carrying his bag of clothes.

 

In a spur of a moment, Yixing pushes himself up and kisses Baekhyun desperately. But sadly, Baekhyun pulls away far too quickly and looks down. “I’m sorry,” Baekhyun whispers. “I’m sorry.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“If you’re doing this out of pity, then you should stop.”

 

Baekhyun froze midway on folding the clothes, ignoring how his chest painfully clenches upon hearing those words. He continued anyways after flashing Chanyeol a smile, folding Chanyeol’s worn out shirt that he remembers the younger uses when he’s out to play basketball. He gives the shirt two pats before moving on to fold a new one.

 

“You were already living the life that you’ve always wanted.” Chanyeol said. “You don’t have to waste your time taking care of me. I can handle things on my own.”

 

Every word pierced through him because he knows that while Chanyeol was enduring the pain, Baekhyun was living his life with Yixing – a man he should have never get involved and yet – “I got used to myself so don’t worry, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol said to him quietly. “I’m not holding you back.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t answer and just turned around to face Chanyeol with a smile on his face. “Are you hungry, Yeol? I can cook you something. Come on, tell me. I’ll cook anything that you like.”

 

Chanyeol didn’t respond and just looks away and Baekhyun can feel a part of himself dying.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every day he can feel Chanyeol slipping off his fingers.

 

Chanyeol doesn’t talk too much and when he does, it’s either he’s telling Baekhyun to leave and talking to old Sooman about how he’s feeling. He doesn’t smile much now and he’s always sleeping because he easily gets tired. His lack of appetite causes him not to eat much, but even then, his weight falls until you can his rib cage molding against his skin whenever he would give Chanyeol a sponge bath.

 

The sight made Baekhyun cry every night especially when Chanyeol’s undergoing another attack. Chanyeol doesn’t want to see him whenever it comes so all Baekhyun could do is lean against the door as he sobs, listening to Chanyeol’s cry of pain from the other side.

 

Taking care of Chanyeol took a toll on Baekhyun, but he doesn’t give up and continues, hoping that Chanyeol would stop telling him to leave and recognize his efforts that yes, he cares and not because he pities him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun usually sleeps in the vacant room, but that night, Chanyeol told him to sleep beside him and so he did.

 

Everything was awkward and stiff or was it just only him because Chanyeol doesn’t look like he’s uncomfortable. Instead, he looks somewhat peaceful. He can make out his pale face against the moonlight and Baekhyun has this urge to caress his cheeks. But then he thought that would make Chanyeol angry so he didn’t.

 

After a moment of silence, Chanyeol spoke. “Why aren’t you leaving, Baekhyun?”

 

“Because I don’t want to.”

 

Chanyeol chuckles. “I look pitiful, don’t I?”

 

“Chanyeol –“

 

“I-If it’s okay with you,” Chanyeol pushes himself to sit up but failed so Baekhyun helped him. “Is it okay for me to take advantage of the situation then? Because right now, you’re just with me because you pity me. And call me selfish, but I don’t want you to… l-leave. E-Even if I-I know you’re just forced to.”

 

Baekhyun bites down a sob.

 

“J-Just until I die, can you p-pretend that you’re still in love with me, Baekhyun?” Chanyeol whispers. “Can you pretend that you do? I-I’ll pretend too… that you didn’t cheat on me. That you didn’t leave me. I just want… to know what things would be like if that happens. I-I just wanted to k-know –”

 

“Okay,” Baekhyun pulls Chanyeol close to him. He presses his lips against Chanyeol’s raven hair as he whispers over and over. “Okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They get back to their usual routine. But it was weird and everything Chanyeol did was cringe worthy. His actions were shouting forced affections like the younger’s desperate to make everything go back to the way they **were**.

 

Chanyeol wasn’t the same either, he knows it himself. And though he brushed it off back then when Baekhyun admitted on having an affair behind his back, he couldn’t help but think about it now.

 

Chanyeol cannot simply kiss the man he loves, thinking that in every kiss he gives would be completely wiped off by another person’s lips. Images of another person’s hands roaming the expanse of Baekhyun’s naked skin. The smiles – he knows Baekhyun’s just forcing it.

 

This was the first time he felt doubtful and every bit of information finally sinking in his mind is making his condition worse.

 

“Yeol-ah.”

 

Even the old nickname makes him feel bad. Doubts. Chanyeol’s mind has been clouded with doubts. Waves and waves of doubts. It was easier said than done, he thought. Chanyeol thought that he can pretend. But how can he?

 

Baekhyun’s eyes went wide when Chanyeol stood up wobbly from his wheelchair and pressed his lips against his, molding his lips perfectly. It was supposed to perfect. It was supposed to make him feel _things._ But then the way Chanyeol stiffens when Baekhyun deepens the kiss got him thrown off.

 

“I’m tired, Baek.” Chanyeol casts his eyes down and drops his hand. “Let’s call it a night.”

 

It hurts when Chanyeol doesn’t even look at him in the eye anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was by chance when they came across Yixing one day at the park.

 

Both men froze at the sight of each other, the other one still not over the sudden separation. This was the first time that Chanyeol got a full sight of the man. He was attractive, he admits, and it wasn’t a mystery why Baekhyun fell in love with the man.

 

“Baekhyun.” Yixing said and Baekhyun didn’t utter a word and just looked away.

 

It was awkward and full of tense, but it managed to get worse when Chanyeol opened his mouth and that’s when Baekhyun realizes that Chanyeol knows who this person is to his life.

 

“I’m sorry for making your relationship complicated.” He said, voice hoarse. “I’m going to pass away soon so don’t worry.” He coughs. “This is only temporary.”

 

Somehow hearing that made something inside Baekhyun to snap that he didn’t bother to take notice of Yixing’s surprised expression. “Chanyeol, we’re going home.” He said. Chanyeol didn’t respond which only angers him even more.

 

The moment they entered the house, Baekhyun threw his everything away and cards his fingers through his hair, face pink due to anger and pent up frustration. “Chanyeol can you please fucking stop it with this?!” He bursts out. “I am sick and tired of whatever you’re doing. I –“

 

“Then how do you expect me to act?” Chanyeol lowers his gaze. “I don’t even know how to act around you anymore.”

 

“Chanyeol, just…” Baekhyun heaves out a heavy sigh and buries his face on his hands. “…why do you keep on pushing me away? Why, Chanyeol? Why can’t you just see – **feel** that whatever I do for is genuine?”

 

“How can you when I know you’re just pretending?”

 

“Fuck you, Chanyeol!” Hot and heavy tears of frustration springs out his eyes. “You were the one who told me to pretend!” He covers his mouth for a moment. “I fucking care, dammit! Why can’t you just see?” Baekhyun drops to the ground, hands covering his tear-stricken face. “Dammit, Chanyeol! You have no idea how I fucking regret everything that I did. I love you, Chanyeol.” He messily wipes his face with the back of his hands. “I love you so, **so** much and as much as I want to make up for everything that I did wrong, I can’t because sooner or later you’re going to leave me and I –“ Baekhyun wheezes as he sobs. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

 

There was a loud thud and Baekhyun found himself gasping when he saw Chanyeol crawling towards him. Holding his face with his trembling hands, he cupped his face and pushes his face to kiss his tears away, kissing his cheeks as every drop fell. Baekhyun found himself whimpering, loving the way Chanyeol’s lips press.

 

“I’m sorry.” Chanyeol whispers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

 

Their lips innocently met once, twice, before Chanyeol made the move crush their lips together in a hard kiss. Baekhyun can feel his wet lips, their lips moving together in timely motions, tongue poking his lower lip. He slides his tongue inside and it feels wet and slippery, but it feel so good. It gets passionate when Chanyeol pulls him close and he can feel his heart starts beating fast.

 

Baekhyun pulls away for a quick moment and for the first time, Chanyeol was looking into his eyes making him smile.

 

“It’s been so long, hasn’t it?” Chanyeol whispers making Baekhyun giggle.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This was the first time Baekhyun thought of sex as life threatening.

 

With hands sprawled on Chanyeol’s chest, Baekhyun lifts his hips up and down making these sinful moans escape his mouth. It was hard to breathe, Chanyeol thinks, and yet he can’t help but whisper out groans pleasurable groans. Baekhyun was so tight and amazing that there was one point of their session when Chanyeol sits up and coughs non-stop, wheezing because he needs to breathe.

  
But despite that, Chanyeol still finishes with a soft moan with Baekhyun following a few seconds later.

 

“I’ve thought of something crazy.” Baekhyun sits up with a bounce that morning, grinning down at Chanyeol, who’s got one eye open. “Hey, Yeol. Come on, wake up. I want to tell you something.”

 

With Chanyeol fully looking at him, Baekhyun inhales deeply and said. “Let’s get married, Yeol.” When Chanyeol didn’t respond, he continues. “Do you remember our plans when we were young, Yeol-ah? The beach. We’ll get married at the beach. We’ll invite our friends and the nuns and pastor! Let’s invite him too!”

 

Chanyeol blinks twice, humming. “That’d be nice.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The wedding was small and despite it not being at the beach, it was still amazing to Baekhyun. The only people who witnessed the wedding is old Sooman, who became the officiator and his nephew and Chanyeol’s doctor, Yesung.

 

Chanyeol took a deep shaky breath and squeezes both of his hands. “I swear, Baekhyun. I swear to love you, and only you, until my last breath.”

 

Baekhyun can feel tears brimming on the corner of his eyes, his heart swelling with joy. He threw his arms around the taller’s neck and pulls him close to a –

 

 

 

 

**II pause**

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun runs his fingers through his hair, staring at the TV screen despite the obvious fatigue on his face, dark bags under his eyes as the evidence of it all.

 

“Baekhyun.”

 

“What is it, Yixing?”

 

“You shouldn’t be staying up late at night.” Yixing said quietly.

 

“Can’t sleep.”

 

There was a moment of silence.

 

“You know it’s never too late to go ahead with the _procedure_ , Baek.”

 

From there, images of Chanyeol came flashing in his mind and he smiles, feeling his chest ache upon remembering the death of his husband. He remembered it like it was just yesterday. Chanyeol was lying on the bed and bids his final _good_ _night_ to Baekhyun. It still hurts even until now, but for him, he’ll live his days happy… **for him**.

 

“He’s waiting for me, Yixing.” Baekhyun looks at the man behind him and smiles. “And this time, I’m coming home to him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read this:
> 
> I have no idea what to feel. Is it angsty, though? Because I honestly think that it’s not. I wrote this with a poker face so… (this fic is unbeta’d as always. So sorry for the typos.)
> 
> Anyways, if you have questions about the ending, click previous and look at the number 4 in the did you know list. There you can see which timeline it was. If you still don’t get it, then… that’s so sad for you.
> 
> Thank you for reading and stay awesome, doods!


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